Mariposa has been doing quite a lot lately…including quite a lot of not writing. Or at least, a lot of not story writing. She’s been doing scads of email writing, list writing (and unwriting), text writing, and inconsequential writing that’s better left at the bottom of some dumpster in Hong Kong. It seems every time she sits down to write, something comes up. Like a blank mind. Or lunch. Or a seriously interesting Instagram post.
Or an opening in the Saury Embers staff.
Don’t be confused; she is already part of the staff, so don’t insult her by misconstruing my words and thinking she’s some newbie who’s just been hired. This was a chance to take on another job in addition to being graphic designer and Instagram manager. Now, before you think she’s crazy (which she is), she’s not doing it just because she likes to work. She’s doing it because she loves to work there, plus, she’s helping out a neat coworker, Hoperaptor Ann.
So if you send a submission to SE, you’ll be hearing from her (or me, if she happens to be sick, injured, or otherwise indisposed). Keep in mind that she is not liable for anything she sends back to you. She just passes along whatever the editors say, which may or may not be in your piece’s favor. She has no opinion on your piece whatsoever, and if she did…she wouldn’t tell you, in case you are in the habit of suing people.
But that doesn’t mean I can’t tell you, because hardly anyone sues dinosaurs (too much of a risk of getting eaten).
Prior to all this, she had the pleasure of being assigned even more work. And it didn’t even involve SE. And she’ll actually get paid. But best of all, she’s going to have her name on the front cover of a book with her picture on the back (probably with a link to my website).
But the book isn’t her own.
Don’t worry, she ain’t going around stealing books and stamping her name on them. Rather, she followed an author on Instagram (believe me, this point is going somewhere). In usual social media etiquette, the author returned the follow and in unusually kind etiquette, she liked a bunch of Mariposa’s posts. Moments later, Mariposa heard a ding, which would have led to a scream had she been in the habit of yelling.
The author wanted her to illustrate her children’s book! My jaw still hasn’t closed.
Someday in the near future (hopefully), I’ll be able to sink my teeth into a delicious children’s book written by Aleigha C. Israelodon and illustrated by my boss lady! I’m very proud of her, but at the same time, depressed. Because all this is the reason why she’s currently not writing or getting unimportant things done, which has led to quite a lot of frustration—for me.
I don’t have anything to help her with if she isn’t writing! I can’t help her with the illustrations—my teeth aren’t accustomed to sharpening colored pencils (besides, they make my teeth turn weird colors) and I don’t know anything about drawing. I can’t even draw a smiley!
I need y’all’s help here. I have nothing to do while she’s busy illustrating—except eat books, and I’m already 697 pounds overweight! What do you guys think I should do? Give me your craziest ideas for what you think an authorosaurus would enjoy (or even what I wouldn’t enjoy—I’m that desperate!).